How's work?
Spinning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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