i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
