This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
