oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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