I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
