you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
