2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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