I'm going to jail i love you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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