real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
