I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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