My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
