I need help removing her.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
