He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize