Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
