were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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