You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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