I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
