You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
