he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
