who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
