Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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