I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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