seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
