Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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