Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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