Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize