i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
