he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just invented taco cereal.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
