I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
