I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize