shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
