I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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