Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
