I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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