then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize