i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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