Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
