Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
