I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
