I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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