Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
