I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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