Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
