We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
