making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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