you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
