just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
