I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
PANTIES FOUND
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