I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
