So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
