Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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