He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
