Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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