My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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