i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
