??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
