found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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