Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
