I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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