Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
