dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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