My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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