She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
