Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is Oprah even human
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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