You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
