im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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