Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
