My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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