yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dick very happy bro
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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