Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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