I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
