I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize