The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize