Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
