i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is the high leading the old right now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
