4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize