Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
