My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
