im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
