..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
