dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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