I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
